HOW DIETING TAUGHT ME TO HATE MY BODY
Dieting = Body Love. Right?
I mean, we are sold on it all day long.
Dieting makes you smaller, which means you will love yourself more. Or at
least that’s what the world tells us…
So then why is it that so many of us find
ourselves hating our bodies more, the longer we diet?
This was my experience of dieting myself into
Dieting Caused me to Body
First thing in the morning I would head off to
the bathroom to weigh myself. One look in the mirror and I was either
praising myself for how “skinny” I looked or bashing myself for looking
Stand on the scale. Then came the horrible bashing if I didn’t see the exact number I wanted to. Or if I did see the number I wanted to, I was happy!
Getting dressed was completely absorbed with my clothes either fitting well or fitting tight. If they fit well, it’s gonna be a good day. If they didn’t, cue the body bashing.
Every window I would walk past or mirror I would see myself in throughout the day became a moment to either praise myself or tear myself down.
And majority of the time – it was tearing myself down.
- I would imagine how I looked sitting in my office chair and…body bash
- I would take a selfie at lunch and…body bash
- I would see an old photo “memory” on Facebook and…body bash
Because of dieting I had a completely unrealistic vision of how I was supposed to look.
And it tore me away from loving myself in the moment. How my day went was completely wrapped up in what the weight on the scale was or how my clothes fit that day.
I didn’t even have the capacity to focus on things that truly mattered.
Prior to social gatherings I would enquire about what was being served and if it didn’t properly fit into my meal plan, I would either ditch the event or force myself to not eat anything at it.
If I ate something I “shouldn’t” have I would replay it in my mind over and over. As if it was on a loop and I would only make the “right” decision next time if I completely fixated over it for now.
Food to me was a direct reflection to how my body would look. And I hated my body, so therefore every crumb of food needed to be accounted for. And the more I would “mess up” with what I ate or not see the “results” I wanted to, the more I hated my body.
Dieting was Supposed to be Medicine
I heard over and over that “food is medicine.” But you see, that didn’t work for me.
I would try diet A that was recommended to me by this doctor and when that diet didn’t fix my medical issues, I would try diet B recommended by that doctor.
And on and on and on until I had tried 13 diets to fix my medical issues. And none of them worked.
Sure, some of them would make me feel better in the short term or make my numbers look better on one test but I now know that to medically classify a diet as having “worked” it would need to have been maintainable enough to work for longer than 5 years.
And none of them did that for me. For some of them I would rigidly follow the diet for months until my blood work would return reflecting that it didn’t work at all. And then I would binge. But as time went on my discipline to follow these diets wanned and my binges happened closer and closer together.
I would listen to the doctor’s orders for a few months or a few weeks or a few days and then when I was either feeling like I was completely losing it, or the diet wasn’t “working” I would binge.
I hated my body more and more and more after each diet or new food restriction. When either the diet would fail, or I would fail at following a specific food restriction I would destroy my body in my thoughts.
Why couldn’t my body listen to these food rules?
Why didn’t my body react the way she was supposed to dieting?
Why didn’t food work as medicine for my body like it did for everyone else?
What is wrong with my body?
I HATE MY BODY
Turns out, my “medical issues” were genetic. One pill a day to aid the weakness in my DNA and my issues were gone.
No diet would’ve ever solved my medical problems.
If Dieting Didn’t Work for You Either…
Maybe you are in the same boat as me and have found that dieting sells itself with glitter & sparkles but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, all it’s brought is frustration, hatred and obsession into your life.
Know that you are not alone in those feelings, I so get it! I would love to hear from you and your experience with dieting, shoot me a message on Instagram! And remember, if you are ready to work on healing your relationship with food,
Certified in Intuitive Eating
Licensed Health & Nutrition Counsellor